Zugzwang
by Purple Lex
Summary: My take on the word of the day - zugzwang. Rated K  for two mild swear words.  A little angst-y, some hints at romance but really just a reflection piece on Mary  and the baby  and Marshall separately.


**Hello! I think this is the second IPS fandom that I've posted? Yep, I think that's right. I just felt like writing this earlier today and with my lunch-break right now, I am posting it! I hope you all enjoy and that I do at least a little bit of justice to the characters.**

**Oh and how does everyone like the show direction so far? In my personal opinion, I hope Mary keeps the baby as I think this is one of her last chances at having a baby and I think that with all the change going on between her and her family, Brandi and Jinx, that it would be a good change for her, no matter how hectic at first (and later).**

**Disclaimer: In no way at all is In Plain Sight, in any and all aspects, mine. **

**XxxxxxxxxX**

**Zugzwang** (noun): A situation in which a player is limited to moves that have a damaging effect.

**XxxxxxxxxX**

Mary had it all planned out. For once in her dysfunctional and messy life, she had it planned. She had it figured out. She knew every step of the way on what to do. She was going to put her child up for adoption, whether it is a he or a she didn't change it. She would follow the steps with the private adoption, run a background check on the couple or family of interest, hand the baby over and let it live its happy, normal, loving life.

She had it all planned out. So why was it that she was still thinking about it? She couldn't get it off her mind. Mary knew what she wanted to do. She knew that she wouldn't be able to give her baby a chance at normal – whatever the hell that meant nowadays; well, a chance at a loving home, at least.

And yet she couldn't stop thinking about all the other options that Brandi and Peter had presented and that Jinx had talked about. And even about what Marshall had said and yet not said with his, "…if you're having a baby then we're having a baby" remark.

**XxxxxxxxxX**

Marshall sat in the practically empty bar, with a now warm half drunken beer, possessed by his thoughts.

Abigail was now staying more and more over at his apartment, and he couldn't help but wonder if it was going too fast. She knew he had a tendency to get too serious too fast leading to the inevitable heartbreak; and she had respected it when she suggested they go slow. After all, she had particularly shared that same bit of information with him as well. They were a lot alike in many of the areas that Marshall liked and often looked for.

So was it that wrong to want, even crave at the odd hours of the day, for Mary's witty and uniquely sarcastic comebacks when he didn't see her for even a weekend?

Yes, it was, Marshall thought as he raised the beer to his lips once again. And yet here he was, wanting to talk to her at least, and subsequently thinking about all that that might mean.

**XxxxxxxxxX**

Mary practically threw herself backward into her couch in an effort not to sink into the cushion and get stuck. She shifted sideways and then lay back, patting her ever increasing belly.

It frustrated her more than she wanted to admit that this late in her decision that she was now thinking of going back on it.

Why now? She wanted to scream. She knew what she wanted to do, and needed to do for the baby's happiness. She had always made the commitment to herself that if she had a baby without a loving home – aka the perfect suburban All American house and husband – that she wouldn't subject the baby to that environment.

She resented the fact that she had grown up in an unstable, unloving house and had to practically raise her baby sister and Mother. Well, she didn't regret raising Brandi. Mary just regretted that while she did all of that – while her father was off making another family, it seemed – that her Mother and Brandi had still ended up the way they had. Even though now her Mother was sober and teaching dance like she always wanted, and Brandi was going to marry Peter, who loved her and was an honest man, she still remember how they had been for the longest time; especially all the crap they'd gotten into while she had been trying to claw her way out of it. And in the end, it had been their own choices that had saved them at last, not anything Mary had done or tried to do to help them.

She had let them down, even if she wasn't supposed to even try to help them in the first place. It wasn't something a little girl should have to do or even try to do.

If she was honest, she would admit that she was scared of becoming even an inch like her Mother. She had meant well, she just couldn't do well then, when they were children and needed that loving role-model. And she didn't want to take that chance with her baby. Did she?

**XxxxxxxxxX**

Marshal sighed and put his head in his hands.

He had known from the beginning that Mary was pregnant.

He had actually wanted to laugh a couple times here and there at how she didn't realize how her body had changed – something he didn't say then because then she'd know that he noticed – or how her noise wrinkled when she was even a foot away from a cup of coffee – something he didn't say because she was so frustrated at it that she didn't want to admit it and stop trying yet – or how he saw the crumbs left on her mouth or the little bags in her satchel that she'd try to hide – something he didn't say then because she'd start this whole argument about him accusing her of getting fat, even though it was the farthest from his mind – or how he'd watch her when she was lost in the moment, staring at a baby in a stroller passing by – something he didn't say because she was so peaceful looking and he just couldn't bring himself into breaking the moment.

But Marshall noticed it all. And when she had finally taken the test – after much protesting – and admitted it, he had known what she'd do. You aren't best friends and confidants with another person, your partner, for years without eventually stumbling onto a conversation of 'what if's'.

He could imagine her now, as a mother. Mary would constantly complain about her lack of sleep, her spit-up ruined clothes, her sister and mother coming over all the time to fuss over the baby and how she didn't know how to use half of the equipment and toy contraptions that all these random people and relatives bought her, because of Brandi and Jinx. And yet, when they'd leave for the day, she'd quietly comment on how she couldn't wait to get home and see her little bundle of joy – the little bundle of joy expression excluded, of course. Marshal had seen her do it with her mother and sister, complain and complain and then, when separated for awhile, want to be with them again.

"Want an'other?", the bartender interrupted his imagination.

"No, I'm good." He nods and then watches as the bartender retreats to the other side of the bar.

Something he'd only ever admit to himself would be that he would give everything to be in that image as more than her partner. But that was something Marshall would have to keep to himself, for however longer. He didn't even really know what he wanted to be with Mary. Whatever it would be, though, it wouldn't be now. Because he wouldn't put that kind of pressure on Mary.

She was going through a huge change, with her pregnancy and family and job. She needed to figure it all out on her own; on her own time.

Any objections Marshall had, friendship, romantic or baby related would have to stay silent, because, well, it wasn't his decision; and if she had wanted help or needed it, he would have seen a sign. Wouldn't he?

**XxxxxxxxxxX**

**Okay, I think this is a good place to end it! Well that was kind of sad. I just saw the word of the day on and thought I had to write this up or I'd forget it! I hope I did it justice, the word zugzwang.**

**Reading it back, it seems a little OC to me, don't know about you guys, but I think that's 'cause I don't like to venture too far out of where the show is at the moment and this was exploring more of a backtrack in their mindsets and kind of an AU thing, I guess. If that makes sense…?**

**I hope I didn't step on anyone's toes with my take on Marshall's mindset, I really can't tell much of what he's thinking these days. I also, as much as I like Abigail (and I do!), don't understand his relationship with her. Okay, now that I've got that out, you can throw the stones.**

**Anyway, the word of the day idea came from a few writers, ****Artemis Rayne**** and ****NeoNails****, who do WotD's for Covert Affairs' Annie and Auggie (love them! The writing of the WotD's and A&A). **

**Comments? Criticism? Thoughts in general? Always welcome :)**

**Thanks for reading. **** Hope I didn't disappoint (and if I did, then not too badly)**


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